Not Real
by Nette
Summary: Based on spoilers for 10.10! - Just another view on things ...


**Rating**: PG

**Spoilers**: Yes! It's based on spoilers for 10.10 – "Touch and Go"! The summary and the author's notes also contain spoilers! So if you're spoiler free stop reading now – and come back after 10.10 has aired. ; )

**Summary**: Carter returns from Africa – but not alone. He also meets Abby.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything … ; )

**Feedback**: Sure, I'd love to know what you think! nette_mails@yahoo.de or use the review button. ; )

Author's notes: In the end. "Not Real" 

We're greeted by a wave of warmth as we step out of the chilly Chicago air and enter the busy ER side by side. I forgot how cold it can be here on a December day.

My right arm is wrapped around her waist and she smiles through a strand of her dark brown – almost black – hair that fell across her face when I look at her. It matches with the color of her eyes and her skin. Her hands are placed protectively over her protruding belly.

We're here – finally.

I look up, trying to find any familiar faces – I find myself looking for Abby especially.

It's been so long since I've been here the last time. Seven months to be precise. It feels weird to be back now. But good at the same time. As it seems – not much has changed.

Finally – I can make out Chuny, Yosh and Haleh chatting at the admit desk from the distance.

Yosh is the first to see me as we approach the group slowly.

"Welcome back, Carter," he says and all their faces turn towards us quickly.

Their eyes are glued to the woman next to me immediately. They muster her – look up and down her tiny figure several times. It seems like they never saw a pregnant woman before.

Their eyes are fixed on her belly for several seconds; it must seem like forever for Kem – I can tell she feels uncomfortable.

"Thank you, Yosh," I say to bring their attention back to me. "It's been a while."

Finally all three of them look at me.

"Hello Carter," Chuny and Haleh say in unison.

"It's been a long while," Luka chimes in as he walks towards us with a chart in his hand. "But it's good to have you back," he adds as he reaches us and gives me a hug.

I return the hug and smile. It's good to see him. We're pretty close since I returned to Africa to get his dead body. Luckily in the end I could help to save his life.

"Thank you, I'm glad to be back," I say and smile at him.

"How was Africa? Since when are you back? Do you stay here?" he asks without giving me a chance to answer.

But as I'm just about to do so I remember why we're here. A look at the clock hanging at the desk tells me that it's time to go – I'd love to talk to my friends first, but we don't want to miss our appointment.

"I'm sorry, but we have to go upstairs," I tell him.

Suddenly I feel Kem's hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry John, I'll go upstairs already and you can talk to your friends for a bit and follow me later," she tells me with her slightly French accent when I look at her.

I smile and give her a little kiss on the cheek. "Thank you. You'll find it?"

She just nods and smiles back at me before she disappears towards the elevator.

All eyes are on me – asking with them the question they don't dare to say out loud.

"I met her in Africa," I tell them. "A while after you left," I add as I turn towards Luka. "Her name is Kem."

"Kem? I don't remember her," Luka tells me, a confused look on his face.

"She came to Kinshasa later," I tell him before I check the clock again. I really better follow her upstairs. She doesn't know anyone here. I don't want her to be scared. There's time for explanations later.

"I'm sorry," I tell him as I begin to walk towards the elevator as well. "But I should really follow her. I'm sure we won't be long. We have to talk later." But before I reach it I turn back around. "Is ... is Abby here? Is she fine?" I ask carefully. I missed her and I'd like to see her – I need to talk to her.

"She's ... she says she's okay. Not so good since you left if you ask me, but she's here," Luka calls after me.

Guilt hits me when I hear him say this. I really have to talk to Abby.

"I'll talk to you later then," I quickly say before the doors of the elevator close.

***

I can already see the baby on the screen when I hurry into the exam room. And I can hear a strong heartbeat as Kem turns towards me.

"Sorry, I couldn't wait," she tells me with a smile and with tears in her eyes. "It's a boy – your son! Isn't he beautiful?"

_Your son._ I'm still not used to her calling him that. Well, of course not – we only just found out that it's a boy. But even back then when she used to say _your child_ it was weird for me. But she wants it to get used to me as the father as soon as possible. She wants him to feel like my son when I raise him.

"A son – is he healthy? Any neural tube defects?" I ask worriedly.

The doctor shakes his head. I'm relieved.

***

I go down to get myself some coffee while Kem is still up in OB. My heart skips a beat when I look through the window into the lounge. 

Abby. I can't help but smile when I see her.

She's sitting there with a newspaper in her hands as I come in.

"Hey," I say carefully.

She looks up and I can see the hurt expression on her face. „Hey," she answers me weakly before she looks down at her paper again. There's a hint of sadness in her voice. And I'm not surprised about that after the way I left.

"I'm back," I say with a slight smile as I sit down next to her on the couch.

"So I've heard," she says, still with her nose in the paper.

Doesn't seem like she's in the mood to talk to me. But I'll try anyway. I knew she wouldn't welcome me with open arms. I won't give up easily.

"How have you been?" I ask her. Silly smalltalk, I know. But I don't know how else to break the ice to really talk to her.

"Oh, just great," she answers sarcastically. "You?"

I sigh. "Good." It won't be easy.

"So I've heard as well."

What is she talking about? "What do you mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Could you please let me read my paper?" she says coldly.

"Abby ... what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" she repeats my question as she gets up and slams the paper down on the table in front of us. "I don't know Carter, _you_ tell me."

I'm taken aback by her sudden outburst. "I'm back after months and wanted to talk to you. I ... I wanted to apologize."

A sarcastic laugh escapes her lips. "Yeah, you're back – with your little family."

I can see tears gathering in her eyes now. What does she mean?

"And don't even try to deny it. Or did you really think that Yosh, Haleh and Chuny wouldn't spread the gossip faster than you can count to ten?"

Then it dawns slowly.

"Abby, you don't understand ... "

"Oh no, I understand – you don't need to apologize Carter," she cuts me short before she pauses to compose herself. "I tried, you know? I really tried. I tried to understand what the letter was about. I tried to work on my problems. I'm not smoking anymore, I'm not drinking anymore. I'm back in med school ... "

"You're what?" I interrupt her. I can't believe she did that. I always knew that she could be a great doctor.

But it seems like she doesn't even hear me as she goes on with her rant.

" ... but that is too much. The ink on the letter you wrote to me hardly dried and you already have someone new. And she's even pregnant. I'm ... I'm done, you know? Just leave me alone in the future," she says, now in a whisper. I can see that she tries hard to hold back tears.

"Let me explain," I plead.

But she doesn't listen. "No Carter, I can't ... I can't do this," she says before she leaves the lounge and lets me sit alone on the couch.

I cover my face with my hands – I guess I screwed that up. Big time.

I sigh deeply when the door opens again.

It's Abby and she pokes at my arm with her finger as she comes over to me.

"Dr John, Dr John," she says. But she has the voice of a young boy. And why is she calling me _Dr John? Something is not right here …_

~~~

Suddenly – I wake up, bathed in sweat.

I look around, trying to find out where I am.

My breathing evens slowly as I realize that I'm still in Africa. I must have fallen asleep on the gurney I lay down on to rest for a bit.

"Dr John," Ande says again, still poking at my arm. "Debbie help," he tries to explain. I guess Debbie needs my help with a patient. 

He's a great boy. He helps us with the patients in the hospital.

"I'll be there in a minute," I tell him before he runs off again.

I sigh deeply as I realize that all was just a dream – a bad dream – and calm down.

If it wasn't necessary I wouldn't even take Kem with me. I don't even want to think about how Abby would feel if she thought that the baby was mine. But in her condition her baby can only survive with advanced medical help.

But Kem and I are still in Africa.

Abby does not mistakenly think that the baby is mine. 

I'm relieved. It felt so real.

Now there is still a chance for me.

I can't wait to get home to talk to her. I don't know how to explain my behaviour – but I'll have to try to make her understand. That I was a fool. That I thought life here would be easier – that I was wrong.

Make her understand that it was not about her. 

That I still love her.

**Author's notes**: This is a standalone. A weird fic based on weird spoilers. ; ) I wrote it to show that things don't have to be as they might seem to be. I know that it will most likely not happen like that. But there are so many possibilities – anything is possible.

So cheer up and don't lose faith in Carby. ; )

And thank you Tracey for your help! ::hugs::


End file.
